Going through such a tough time in my life (again)

Life can be so discouraging, distressing, depressing, etc...Sometimes no matter what you do its so hard to keep going. I have such a personal history of this, sometimes it seems so unfair. Unhappy childhood due to issues with a parent, one was supportive, one was NOT! The supportive one gave me so much that still to this day brings me great joy and gave me so much ability like my gardens, my art, and so much more. The other robbed me of so much...And then adulthood seemed to be the answer the freedom so long sought. Only problem is that due to being so naive and untrained in determining such things ended up in yet another not so wonderful situation. One that is even harder to get out of than childhood was. And yet through it all there is one thing, one hope, one bright beacon that shines true. Its called Heaven. This thing, this place, this state of existence that none here can say much about...And yet it has such a draw, such a promise of all that we just can't seem to find here. Its almost as if we instinctively know that we were made for this place, this existence...Its almost inexplainable our desire for this. I believe its because we are hardwired by our Creator to desire this. We were made to be there and somehow deep in our being we know this. I think so many of us though get distracted, sidetracked. We search here on earth for the happiness of heaven. It can't be found really, its not here only small glimpses of it can be located. Just enough to tease, to encourage, to prove that such a place does exist, somewhere...We find it in the laugh of a child, a smile, a good deed that comes out of the blue when most needed, the beauty of a sunset or sunrise, the new leaves of spring, in prayer, so many little glimpses are there. Not the full picture but enough to show its real, waiting. I am in the waiting crowd. I know so well that true happiness cannot be found here except in small windows. It must be enough. I am deeply grateful for the little bits I do see and wait with great longing for the day when I get to see the full picture. It makes me think that no matter what you endure here if as St Paul says you "finish the race" the prize will be such that the pain of the race will be without memory...Only the joy, the exuberence, the satisfaction of having made it will remain! As I stated at another place it will not matter what you suffered here when you get there...It will all seem as naught. So be happy that you were born, it means you are predestined to be eternally happy and without pain no matter how bad your life may have been here on earth. Just knowing the joy I will experience makes it all seem as dust blowing away in the wind...

Peace, may you find it before you pass into eternity and may we meet on the happy side to run and laugh without memory of the pain...